The Truth of the Matter

Capturing carbon dioxide during a science experiment. We did this, but I won’t be blogging about it.

The truth of the matter is that so much good is going on around here, not just with project-based learning but with karate, our co-op, and homeschooling in general, but I can’t get out from under myself to post about it all. I am worn to a nub. I am up much too early, to get my oldest off to school, and “on” much too late. I’m not getting enough sleep because I am loathe to give up the nighttime hours when I can sit and knit or read a book in peace without having to attend to anybody else’s needs. (Plus, I’m a night owl, and my body has me wide awake and full of energy at midnight. No, it really doesn’t mesh well with the reality of my life!)

I try to get us outside, even if just into the yard. I need the sunshine, too.

I know there have been other portions of my mothering life during which I had only cracks and crannies of time to myself during the day. My kids were younger then. I’ve had a stretch of balance, though, and I haven’t yet adjusted to this new scheme, the one where I am up early, full on with the younger two all day, and then my oldest comes home with all that after-school energy. First, second, third shift. I’m frayed. It’s not helping that our recent weekends have been non-weekends, with family and work obligations that have left us either busy, separated, or both.

My youngest, at almost four, is used to having me to herself during school days. She likes having her brother at home, but only to a point. They bicker. They both want all my attention. It can be challenging. We do most things all together. Nobody wants to be left out, of course. After spending a few weeks thinking This has got to change and I’m going to have to adjust our rhythm and I can’t keep on like this, I am realizing that it’s probably my thinking that has to change. I could go on and on about the challenges particular to our situation, but I’m sure everybody has variations on the same.

This past weekend began the way the last one ended, with me on my own with the kids. Just two of them this time–my husband and oldest had left (and rightly so) to help my sister with some moving-related stuff. But oh, I was cranky. Friday was my birthday and it was just like any other day and I’d had no time to myself and I’d spent the day at co-op, which is good but long and lots of preparation and I’d ended up doing laundry at 11 pm and here we were on Saturday, and my daughter had melted down in the parking lot at my son’s karate studio, and all I wanted to do was send the kids to their rooms and crawl into bed and wallow.

Instead, I got us into the car and drove us to a local harvest festival, where we listened to a Native American storyteller and hung out in the nature center and saw moon rocks (straight from NASA!) and soaked up sunshine and fresh air and went on a hay ride.

The woman across from us agreed to take our picture, so we have a rare Mama-and-kids photo.

By the time we got home, my mood was much better. Sunday I carved out some time to sew. Today was back to normal, though. I thought about catching up this blog on our homeschooling activities, but not tonight. Tonight, I’m sharing that it’s hard, and I’m tired, and I’m still adjusting. I know I’m not the only one. But I’ve chosen to do this, and I can already see the benefits for my son. At some point, I’ll blog about those too!

But right now, I’m going to go knit. How about you?

2 thoughts on “The Truth of the Matter

  1. michelle

    Oh my gosh, who ARE those kids??? They look far too grown in that picture. Adorable. But grown.

    I am done by ten. Everything shuts down. I was always like that, but what really stinks is this hormonal shift which has made me awful in the mornings too. I get up earlt, but my brain doesn’t work at that time of day anymore.

    You guys are all still transitioning. That doesn’t help the hard. Sorry.

  2. Lori Pickert (@campcreek)

    what a great picture of you guys! 😀

    i am frayed just reading this. everything here goes quiet in the afternoons when boys go off to do their own thing .. i can totally get how a kid arriving on the school bus full of energy would kick it all back off again.

    “We did this, but I won’t be blogging about it.” — lol

    hopefully as the kids get a *little* older, they’ll work a little more independently during the day and you can have some time then. 🙂 i know things changed radically for me when i stopped trying to eke out time for myself at night and just went to sleep. i was well rested and the day went better .. it was an upward spiral. not that i would recommend *you* do that. ;o)


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